Dear Business Owners,
A chance encounter designed by destiny led us here: in your hunt for a battle-ready copywriter.
You see, we’re both hunters, you hunt for best value and I hunt for high performance copy.
You want a top dollar copywriter without assaulting your bank balance.
What’s in store is so much more. Buckle up, because it’s about to get 0 to 100 before your eyes could catch a blink.
The letter below dives deep.
And I expect you to as well! Dive deep that is.
Because once you do, you’ll reach the bottom to Atlantis,
With a prized lost treasure awaiting your arrival.
My persuasion excellence™ method is built on the time tested models for writing marketing grade copy.
It’s basically AIDA and PAS on steroid, sprinkled with a bit of sass/satire/sultriness for good measure. (Depends if you’re selling jam or jewellery.)
Go ahead, take my portfolio for a test drive now.
But beware what your eyes are about to behold is a beast with raw horsepower like a factory fresh Italian V12 charging on the road.
The copywriting got the kick of a stallion to knock the established copywriters out cold.
They write like me, but they charge somewhere between your limb and a liver.
The disconnect is staggering,
You are probably scratching your head bloody red at this point.
Amplified by the current $hit show that is the internet,
Where every man, woman and unicorn born before iPhone ’07 are a prodigy at one thing or the other.
What you saw was BIG BRAND copy but what I’m charging is a cookie in comparison.
So naturally, your guard is up like Iron Man.
Because your mom told you, “If it’s too good to be true, it probably is son. Steer well clear.”
But your mom gave you another sage advice, “Trust your guts and your good sense”.
You know I’ll be happy to work with you without deposit, right?
If I miss on the promise made here, offering you a 700 horsepower hot wheel but leaving you with this:
You exit the door faster than you came in.
So, blow your worry away like dandelion in the wind because your deposit dollars won’t be going like dust to the wind.
Zero risk to you. The easiest and safest transaction ever.
Now is it starting to sound like “too good to be true” coming true for once in your life?
And you know what they say, when that happens, you carpe diem the hell out of it.
Congratulation, you’ve got your top dollar copywriter on a rate that sounds like your local pub on happy hour.
But wait, it’s about to get a whole lot better for you! Remember the promise of Atlantis made earlier?
I am not done convincing you yet. I want to crush every last doubts into fine powder here and now.
Look, like all great copywriters, my repertoire includes…
- Walking through the minds of your customers and practically live in their head rent-free.
- Writing words that glint like diamond but sells like Christmas in March.
- Sneak under the hood of your competitors to find what dirty tricks they are up to, using plenty of SAAS tools like MOZ, Ahref, Semrush and Similarweb and use it to crush them in their own backyard.
- Carrying scary knowledge on the psychology of sales in today’s attention economy flooded with hungry e-commerce all over.
You see, when I begin to write, I become water…
Fluid in my movement, clear in my ideas, I flow from one fountain to the next to find your mermaid!
And I don’t stop until I come back with 10 of them.
You are going to have all eyes on you after my copywriting is done with you.
Let me level with you by shooting straight now.
I can’t magically bring your business to 7 figure revenue. (Unless you are already, you giant squishy monster, I want to hug you. But looking to multiply your million, which is indeed the next right step.)
My copywriting won’t give you 15% conversions, those are hyped boiler room sales tactic.
You see, the holy trinity of e-commerce success is, the 1/3rd rule!
Your business supremacy is built on a brutally effective online footprint:
1/3rd copy, 1/3rd UX design and 1/3rd pictures, videos and reviews.
And baking these 3 in a hot woven with a product that hopefully is not a half baked pie,
Basically backing your business with a toasty pie that’s tasty, something that’s sufficiently competitive.
My copy will then grow your business like Hulk X 2 and then some,
You see, I’m a jack of all trade, master of one: Copywriting.
With every stroke I will hunt with animal aggression to achieve a copy that will connect, engage and convert.
Double PS, (Last one, pinky promise)
Wowee, you’re still reading, I should buy you a cookie for coming down this far.
However, I have something else for you if your business model sounds like one of these:
- Make $5000 a week within first month flat.
- How to make 6 figures in 2023 (without working more than 3 hours a day).
- Pay to play:
$4999 $1999 only to get a millionaire mindset.
- This secret stock trading system guarantees 1K return every day.
My middle fingers stand tall as an Eiffel Tower at you.
No matter how good of a silver tongue and star presence you got, I can see right through you charlatans hiding behind that charade of entrepreneurial cloak.
I was once offered $4000 to design an email nurture sequence for a similar sleazy business by a Get-Rich-Guru whose name I can’t state for obvious reason. And you know what I did next?
Yes, you guessed it right, I flashed my butt and bolted.
So consider it an advanced rejection if your business belong in the quick-rich crap category.
Karma is a silent beast. It swallows you whole when you least expect it. So, I’d like my conscience clean as a forest wind.
My BS radar is off the charts. That gut feeling is sharp as a knife’s edge hombre.
Ohh my, you’ve made it. Here’s the promised riches for reaching Atlantis.
An offer so red hot, it could only be struck with Poseidon’s Trident.
Book me for 10 hours and I’ll add five for free. Plus, no penny upfront, meaning no deposit required.
For first time clients only.*
Now, let’s turn your site into a tornado sucking up search engines, shall we? Without biting your bank balance in half of course.
Wait! We already established that? just a baby apple bite out of your wallet is all it will take.
Budget friendly copywriting service sending GOD’s fear into the BIG BOYS’ COPYWRITING CLUB.
– The End (Or in your case, the beginning of two champagne glasses coming together to toast the celebration of a conversion rate granted by GOD.)