CHOPPY COPY
CUTTING
INTO SALES?

Is your site more quiet than a coffin box? Then this open letter is for you.

Or maybe it’s doing good but you know damn well it can do dang better. Like what the fudge? You’re still failing to break into 6 figure territory. Or worse, stuck on a 4 digit sales figure that starts with a 2. Lord have mercy, saying that out loud bites like my tongue caught up in a mouse trap.

Clearly something isn’t right currently, that’s why you are here today, in search of a doctor who can diagnose your business. Keep reading because you have come across the panacea that can power your profits into the six figure neverland and beyond.

Dearly Beloved Business Builders,

We’ve gathered here today to get your business clicking with your core customers like 2 peas in a pod and making money happily ever after.

No, not the kind of money, where you make a million by milking only an hour every day.

Yes, we hate those sleazy swamis as much as you.

Look, it’s a World Wild Web out here, WWW.GET-RICH-GURUS.COM are all over google offering all kinds of quick rich dreams.

Here everyone’s a wordsmith wunderkind or marketing maven it seems.

But in reality, the one offering $10 an hour, gives you a copy worth a big huff,

And the one going at $350/hr, though hands you a masterpiece,

But you had to sell your mom to get it. 😭

They write like me, but they charge as if they are hunting dragon’s tooth, unicorn’s horn and Fiji mermaid, all at the same time.

Enters, The “AAA” Team… *Reads, The A Team*

We bring “A” grade copy at “A”verage prices, bringing ‘bang for your buck’ like its your local pub on happy hour.

Big Brand copy at small store prices. No brainer, its a winner.

With “A”dditional services to slide straight into friction free funnels,

So, you can pocket the easiest profit you’ll ever make.

Now on the bright side, your dad’s still with you. And he no longer needs to be put on an auction.

But here’s the big bonus! Book us in now…

And we’ll perform free mom search services.

Like those share buyback scheme, we’ll bring your mom back to you.

Pinky promise!

Now you’re saying, hey honcho, not a word on the quality of copy yet! I am barely sold on your pinky promise.

Let’s go supersonic, shall we?

Attention is the #1 currency.

And we’re in the business of bringing attention.

We’ve got persuasion mastery like its witchcraft.

Powering our craft with time-tested models for writing marketing grade copy! It’s basically AIDA and PAS on steroid.

Our persuasion excellence™ method is tried and tested in over 15 industries.

And it works like black magic every time.

When we write, we’re on a roll, like rolling 12’s on two dice, ten times in a row.

Our tinkering trait always turns that trickle into a flood,

Wait till you see the tidal waves of traffic flooding your funnel,

Sales orders pouring down from the cloud like torrential downpour.

Wow, you’re still reading! We should be paying you for coming down this far.

Okay look, we’ve never shared this with anyone! We trust you to keep it a top secret.

We’ve lived many lives, reincarnated in many forms.

We have the birds eye view, the third eye view, and the occasional bugs eye view to generate high converting copy for your project.

When we begin to write, we become water…

Fluid in our movement, clear in our ideas, we flow from one fountain to the next to find your mermaid!

And we don’t stop until we come back with 10 of them.

I say we, because you’re getting 50 shades of Da Vinci. #OneManAgency

One man Amazon *You get the picture. Pun 101.

If there’s words to be written, we’ll write for you like the 10 commandments, carved in stone with crushing accuracy.

Let’s get your gold plated copy at the price of copper! No penny to pay if you’re not particularly pleased! Simple as that.

Securing your smile as wide as the sun is on our most wanted list,

And a conversion rate that sounds like the clink of two champagne glass.

Can we deliver the dark magic now?

PS, we’re ready on the other side of the screen, with our weapon drawn, the keyboard.

With every stroke we’ll hunt with animal aggression to achieve a copy that will connect, engage and convert.

Double PS, (Last one, pinky promise)

Look, let me level with you by shooting straight now.

We can’t magically bring your business to 7 figure bottom-line. (Unless you are already, you giant squishy monster, I want to hug you. But looking to multiply your million, which is indeed the next right step.)

Our copywriting won’t give you 15% conversions, those are hyped boiler room sales tactic.

You see, the holy trinity of e-commerce success is, the 1/3rd rule!

Your business supremacy is built on a brutally effective online footprint:

1/3rd copy, 1/3rd UX design and 1/3rd pictures, videos and reviews.

And baking these 3 in a hot woven with a product that hopefully is not a half baked pie,

Basically backing your business with a toasty pie that’s tasty, something that’s sufficiently competitive.

Our copy will then grow your business like Hulk X 2 and then some,

You see, we’re jack of all trade, master of one: Copywriting.

We can assist you with laying a robust platform for scaling your growth,

And in time make you that mountain you can claim your own.

We’ll leave our portfolio here to crush any last remaining doubts into fine powder. ⬆

The world works on the principle of cause and effects. Whatever cause you are pursuing, I’ll make sure the effect is off the charts.

Let the captain America of copywriting fight for your cause or simply sell some soap. Suffice to say, your search for #1 copywriter ends here. Big brand copy at small store prices – the budget friendly formula for any business.

COPYWRITER WITH A CAPE, AT YOUR SERVICE!

We’re in a world where we’re governed by the physical laws of attraction, the gravity. That’s what we are after, create a message so strong, it stirs up the world within them, pull them with a hold so powerful, it attracts all their attention and pulls them right into your orbit, like gravity taking hold.

But of course, you don’t want to attract Anna, Allison and Audrey into your orbit, if you sell men’s bespoke blazers! That’s where audience, keyword and funnel research come in! And we’ll attract all kinds of Adam, Alex and Aiden to suck your store dry, leaving your bank drowning in dollars.

Our cape wearing copywriters are expert psychological detectives, able to walk through the minds of your customers and practically live in their head rent free to tap into their innermost thoughts to find what makes them tick. They use these detective skills to find a key or two that can open the floodgate of emotions to trigger a targeted response; while remaining legal, using sixth sense and a lot of market research of course, *wink.

Our high-performance copy converts browsers into buyers.

Supercharged copy is our signature strength.

PS, we’re also trained to sneak under the hood of your competitors to gather their audience spectrum and use it to crush them in their own backyard using plenty of SAAS tools like Semrush, MOZ, Ahref and SimilarWeb.

Using this Sherlock Holmes skills, we’re able to zero-in on a high impact copy that engages with their emotions – dialing them all the way to level 9, driving them into action and cleaning your warehouse before Christmas. Or maybe get ’em all signed up for that brilliant course you’ve built!

Of course, giving gravity to your copy comes at a cost. And now you’re terrified like a baby being forced to eat broccoli. But let’s blow your worry away like dandelion in the wind because it’s only going to take an apple bite out of your bank account.

But beware – BS shield activated. If you’re trying any funny business with those shady “get rich quick” schemes with your gifted silver tongue and star presence. I will be onto you like a bloodhound. My sense for smelling con artists is off the charts. That gut feeling is sharp as a knife’s edge hombre.

I delightfully raise my middle fingers to your dirty dollars and the depravity. Saw that tagline capo? We wear cape to fight the good cause. So consider it my open rejection to any service request for your business.

CUT THE BIG BOYS, SAVE THE BIG CHECKS.

You see, when you shake it out straight with the soldiers who fights it out in the front line, you get record smashing results at rock bottom prices. It is guys like us who works for top agencies with a ridiculous appetite for profits and a cost overhead they can’t just switch off at a push of a button. And we pass these savings straight to you.

Big agency means big bucks. And as freelancers, we’re free from overheads, free from debt, free from stress. Basically, we’re cruising by doing what we love.

We love copywriting like rose love rainwater. And as they say, what is done in love, is always done well! In essence, you get a copy cut with the clarity of 10 carat diamond. No brainer, its a winner! Low cost, high conversion copy – a winning formula for any business! So, drop your top dollar agency, and hire the minds clear as diamond to write for you.

WE DIVE DEEP

^ really deep

WE DIVE DEEP

^really
deep

Put a box of matches near some firework and soon sparks will fly. And to find that spark we take a deep dive into your business before we begin anything else. There’ll be a pulse sewn into every sentence. No matter what they read, it popspops out of the page and arrest their attention. We fine tune the tone that is designed to touch the audience. You’re going to have all eyes on you after our copywriting is done with you. Leaving you with a firework the size of Sydney’s New Year’s Eve.

No excuses, only unrivalled executions.

We know you’re looking for a match to light up the fire in your sales funnel. Well, good news because our copywriting got the kick of a stallion to knock the established copywriters out cold. Carrying scary knowledge on the psychology of sales in today’s attention hungry e-commerce and a writing supremacy that might just wake Shakespeare up. We will raise your site stickiness on a level that is unseen, unheard, unmatched. You will be in the winning car in every race you enter. If you’ve built a great product, we are confident as kings of our domain, the sales orders will power through the internet to flood your inbox. Don’t sue us if your site gets knocked out with a traffic surge too big to handle by your servers.

Hey fur-end, Your competition is looking awfully tasty. Mind if I take a bite out of their sales?