We’ve gathered here today to get your business clicking with your core customers like 2 peas in a pod and making money happily ever after.
No, not the kind of money, where you make a million by milking only an hour every day.
Yes, we hate those sleazy swamis as much as you.
Look, it’s a World Wild Web out here, WWW.GET-RICH-GURUS.COM are all over google offering all kinds of quick rich dreams.
Here everyone’s a wordsmith wunderkind or marketing maven it seems.
But in reality, the one offering $10 an hour, gives you a copy worth a big huff,
And the one going at $350/hr, though hands you a masterpiece,
But you had to sell your mom to get it.
They write like me, but they charge as if they are hunting dragon’s tooth, unicorn’s horn and Fiji mermaid, all at the same time.
Enters, The “AAA” Team… *Reads, The A Team*
We bring “A” grade copy at “A”verage prices, bringing ‘bang for your buck’ like its your local pub on happy hour.
Big Brand copy at small store prices. No brainer, its a winner.
With “A”dditional services to slide straight into friction free funnels,
So, you can pocket the easiest profit you’ll ever make.
Now on the bright side, your dad’s still with you. And he no longer needs to be put on an auction.
But here’s the big bonus! Book us in now…
And we’ll perform free mom search services.
Like those share buyback scheme, we’ll bring your mom back to you.
Now you’re saying, hey honcho, not a word on the quality of copy yet! I am barely sold on your pinky promise.
Let’s go supersonic, shall we?
Attention is the #1 currency.
And we’re in the business of bringing attention.
We’ve got persuasion mastery like its witchcraft.
Powering our craft with time-tested models for writing marketing grade copy! It’s basically AIDA and PAS on steroid.
Our persuasion excellence™ method is tried and tested in over 15 industries.
And it works like black magic every time.
When we write, we’re on a roll, like rolling 12’s on two dice, ten times in a row.
Our tinkering trait always turns that trickle into a flood,
Wait till you see the tidal waves of traffic flooding your funnel,
Sales orders pouring down from the cloud like torrential downpour.
Wow, you’re still reading! We should be paying you for coming down this far.
Okay look, we’ve never shared this with anyone! We trust you to keep it a top secret.
We’ve lived many lives, reincarnated in many forms.
We have the birds eye view, the third eye view, and the occasional bugs eye view to generate high converting copy for your project.
When we begin to write, we become water…
Fluid in our movement, clear in our ideas, we flow from one fountain to the next to find your mermaid!
And we don’t stop until we come back with 10 of them.
I say we, because you’re getting 50 shades of Da Vinci. #OneManAgency
*You get the picture. Pun 101.
If there’s words to be written, we’ll write for you like the 10 commandments, carved in stone with crushing accuracy.
Let’s get your gold plated copy at the price of copper! No penny to pay if you’re not particularly pleased! Simple as that.
Securing your smile as wide as the sun is on our most wanted list,
And a conversion rate that sounds like the clink of two champagne glass.
Can we deliver the dark magic now?
PS, we’re ready on the other side of the screen, with our weapon drawn, the keyboard.
With every stroke we’ll hunt with animal aggression to achieve a copy that will connect, engage and convert.
Double PS, (Last one, pinky promise)
Look, let me level with you by shooting straight now.
We can’t magically bring your business to 7 figure bottom-line. (Unless you are already, you giant squishy monster, I want to hug you. But looking to multiply your million, which is indeed the next right step.)
Our copywriting won’t give you 15% conversions, those are hyped boiler room sales tactic.
You see, the holy trinity of e-commerce success is, the 1/3rd rule!
Your business supremacy is built on a brutally effective online footprint:
1/3rd copy, 1/3rd UX design and 1/3rd pictures, videos and reviews.
And baking these 3 in a hot woven with a product that hopefully is not a half baked pie,
Basically backing your business with a toasty pie that’s tasty, something that’s sufficiently competitive.
Our copy will then grow your business like Hulk X 2 and then some,
You see, we’re jack of all trade, master of one: Copywriting.
We can assist you with laying a robust platform for scaling your growth,
And in time make you that mountain you can claim your own.
We’ll leave our portfolio here to crush any last remaining doubts into fine powder.