Well hello, Mr/s stunning!
Start your Friday with a kiss from yours truly,
Now let’s dive straight into the wine glass.
I’ll bet my wine collection, (hoping 3 half empty bottles can be called a collection)
You don’t care about how intoxicated I get with poetry or prose,
You’re more interested in finding if my words are pretty as Marlin Monroe legs…
If they can sell like rose on Valentine’s Day.
See how she’s gently & elegantly pulling at her high heel’s leather lace? Using the same technique I’ll pull at the heartstring of your customers. The portfolio is neatly tucked behind the picture, click away at will.
Or not, just skip past it, because you can.
Made my job, a tad bit tougher. You’re a slippery one, I see.
It’s been a wobbly kind of Friday anyway, got to grease the wheels now and keep the sweet oil flowing.
Anyhow, the question that is thundering through your head,
Will this $80/hr hire power generate enough firepower to match the $500/hr copywriting superstars out there?
Can my words kill? Kill your poor conversion rate i.e.
Could this underdog deliver like a top dog?
Let me answer those questions by turning into a French toast thief.
I’ll bring in tasty French toast for you, leaving dry toast for the rest of your rivals. (Unless you want me to leave them crumbs? Oh that’s cold, me like you already. Treat your competition like cookies; you just can’t eat enough of them, yumm.)
And as a special bonus, I’ll even steal all their jams, Nutella and all other kinds of spreads for you for free.
Those words that you’re so hell-bent on finding out about are like super-powered serum that will turn the face of your brand shinier than all the South Korean K-pop stars combined.
Basically be the buzz of your industry, you get the idea.
Let’s clean up your copy.
Plus I’m way down the price ladder.
So you won’t have to pawn your grandma’s pearls to hire me. (Unless you want to, in which case, I won’t stop you. Pearls are nice.)
Now can I take you from blah to brilliant? Add the relish to your sandwich, the yin to your yang, the Robin to your Batman?
Fcuk yes, I can. I churn profitable copy like clockwork.
Ps, as an ad man, we occasionally turn into a mad man to hunt heck of an alliteration.
We’re junkies, and word is our drug. Using similes to metaphors, I’ll give your copy a hug. (So if our hair sometimes looks like this, consider it occupational hazard.)