The Copywriting kingpin with a black belt in business and a PhD in pun.

Will signing me up see your sales blow up like a pack of dynamite? Well that depends, if you’re following the 1/3rd rule, the holy trinity of e-commerce success to fundamentally outclass your competition (Added at the end of the bio for a little bit of suspense.)

But firstly, I’ll bet my wine collection, (hoping 3 half empty bottles can be called a collection)

You don’t care about how intoxicated I get with poetry or prose,

The pretty portfolio You’re more interested in finding if my words are pretty as Marilyn Monroe legs. If they can gently pull at your customers heartstring like how she’s pulling her high heel’s leather lace,

If they can sell like rose on Valentine’s Day.

Well, without further ado, let’s begin the corporate mating dance,

I mean I do all the ballet dance but with words, you just sit there and enjoy.

And by the end of the show I‘ll prove my words will whisper into the ears of your customers like their gal pal. Words that will play with your customers like winter snowball fight and let them win too.

The question that is thundering through your head right now,

Will this $80/hr hire power generate enough firepower to match the $500/hr copywriting superstars out there?

Could this underdog deliver like a top dog? Being able to:

  • Walk through the minds of your customers and practically live in their head rent-free.
  • Sneak under the hood of your competitors to find what dirty tricks they are up to, using plenty of SAAS tools like MOZ, Ahref, Semrush and Similarweb and use it to crush them in their own backyard.
  • Carry scary knowledge on the psychology of sales in today’s attention economy flooded with hungry e-commerce all over.
  • Bring clarity to your message with AIDA and PAS. Also sprinkle ‘em with a bit of sass, sarcasm or sultriness for good measure. (Depends if you’re selling jam or jewellery.)

Let me answer those questions by turning into a French toast thief.

I’ll bring in tasty French toast for you, leaving dry toast for the rest of your rivals. (Unless you want me to leave them crumbs? Oh that’s cold, me like you already. Treat your competition like cookies; you just can’t eat enough of them, yumm.)

And as a special bonus, I’ll even steal all their jams, Nutella and all other kinds of spreads for you for free.

Those words that you’re so hell-bent on finding out about are like super-powered serum,

That will turn the face of your brand shinier than all the South Korean K-pop stars combined.

Basically be the buzz of your industry, you get the idea.

Plus I’m way down the price ladder.

So you won’t have to pawn your grandma’s pearls to hire me. (Unless you want to, in which case, I won’t stop you. Pearls are nice.)

Now can I take you from mundane to mind-blown? Add the relish to your sandwich, rain to your drought, Robin to your Batman?

God-damn yes, I can. I churn profitable copy like clockwork.


Let me level with you by shooting straight now.

My copy won’t magically bring your business to 7 figure revenue. (Unless you are already, you giant squishy monster, I want to hug you. But looking to multiply your million, which is naturally the next right step.)

My copywriting won’t give you 20% conversions, those are hyped boiler room sales tactic. (You can’t even reach that with your own branded keywords.)

You see, the holy trinity of e-commerce success is the 1/3rd rule!

Your business supremacy is built on a brutally effective online footprint:

1/3rd copy, 1/3rd UX design and 1/3rd pictures, videos and reviews. (Those jumbo motivation booster left by customers across social media and review aggregator sites. If you’re in B2B sector, improvise with solid case study with clients. Social proof is piping hot, I tell you.)

And baking these 3 in a hot woven with a product that hopefully is not a half baked pie,

Backing your business with a toasty pie that’s tasty, something that’s sufficiently competitive. (Basically sitting pretty at a good price point for your target market.)

My copy will then grow your business like Hulk X 2 and then some,

Turn your traffic into the moon to your planet.

You see, I’m a jack of all trade, master of one: Copywriting.

With every stroke I will hunt with animal aggression to achieve a copy that will connect, engage and convert.

I’ll leave my portfolio here to crush any last remaining doubts into fine powder. ⬆

Talk about crushing; deliver more value than anyone else and you’ll crush the niche you’re in. Well there’s your one line growth blueprint for free.

Hey fur-end, Your competition is looking awfully tasty. Mind if I take a bite out of their sales?